A Tale Most Tragic, or, Why Hogwarts Lake Flooded
by TuesdayNovember
Summary: One slightly chilly spring day, Albus Dumbledore has an ill-fated meeting with Squiddelus, the giant squid living peacefully in the Hogwarts lake. Oneshot, Squiddledore.


**Written for the infallible Estella May, who made the mistake of thinking Dumbledore/Giant Squid isn't the most romantical pairing ever, and dedicated lovingly to all the girls at Bellatrix Lestrange: The Dark Lord's Most Faithful, especially Expecting Rain, BellaPur and Ellen M A U.**

**Many thanks to Schermionie for pointing out mistakes (which have now been fixed, grâce à Scrunchy.)**

**Obviously, I own none of this.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"The only romance truer than that between a man and a whale is that between a man and a squid."  
Herman Melville.

* * *

Hermione appeared through the portrait hole wearing an expression of extreme bemusement. She sat down beside Ron and said, without preamble, "Is it just me, or has Professor Dumbledore been acting really strangely lately?"

Harry looked up from his astronomy homework with a frown. "What do you mean, 'strange'?"

Hermione sighed and shook her head. "I—I don't know, exactly. It's just…" she trailed off.

"Just what?" Ron asked, setting his book down on the arm of his chair and turning to face the other two.

Hermione shifted uncomfortably and said, "Well, when I was coming back from the library, I saw Dumbledore in the halls, and something seemed…odd."

Harry and Ron watched her expectantly. But when she didn't continue, Harry said, "_And?_"

Hermione hesitated a moment before saying, "Well, as I was walking back from the library, I met Dumbledore." They nodded. "And…he was carrying this really big box labelled 'MacMellagan's Sweets for the Discerning Squid', a bottle of champagne and two glasses." Hermione looked up at them, uncertain.

Ron looked between Hermione and Harry before saying, "So?"

Hermione's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. "_So?_ Ron, don't you think that's a little odd?"

Ron shrugged. "It's Dumbledore," he said. And that put an end to the conversation.

Dumbledore strode through the halls of Hogwarts, smiling benevolently at students and nodding to teachers. On any other occasion, seeing the Headmaster in the halls would have resulted in a swarm of teachers and students around him, asking questions, making comments, and at least one person taking pictures. But today that was not the case. Today, students who saw Dumbledore in the halls smiled back hesitantly and continued on their way with renewed vigour. Teachers acted in much the same way, smiling their tight-lipped smiles and hurrying to their classrooms.

It must be noted, however, that Dumbledore was not looking entirely himself. For one thing, the long white hair that usually had a distinctly hay-like, careworn quality was sleek and shiny. The robes he was wearing could only be called impractical – satin, or was it silk? on a somewhat chilly spring day. Not to mention the champagne, two crystal flutes and rather large box of MacMellagan's Sweets for the Discerning Squid.

So the students and teachers of Hogwarts cannot be entirely blamed for their pointed avoidance of the Headmaster.

As Dumbledore left the halls of the castle for the warm, grassy fields by the lakes, Ginny Weasley, who was sitting outside with Luna Lovegood, looked up from her book.

"Luna?"

"Hm?" the blonde girl said, peering up at her friend through a pair of Spectrespecs.

"Is it just me, or does Professor Dumbledore look a bit funny today?"

Luna pushed the Spectrespecs further up her nose and squinted at the retreating form of the Headmaster.

"Actually, Ginny, Professor Dumbledore has taken on the Sheen of Wrangwrupklin."

"Sheen of Wrangrurup-what?"

"Here," Luna handed Ginny the Spectrespecs. "Do you see? That sparking is the Sheen of Wrangwrupklin. It means he's in love."

Ginny pulled the glasses off and faced Luna. "_What?_ But—that's Dumbledore we're talking about! He's so…" She didn't finish her sentence.

Luna shrugged and said vaguely, "The Storkalmerins never lie."

Ginny thought it better not to ask what that was, instead opting to return to her book, and hopefully never think of Dumbledore in love ever again.

Dumbledore continued his walk to the lake calmly, humming snippets of the Weird Sisters' latest hit. The sun glinting off his newly sleek and straightened hair gave a rather blinding effect of glowing. A number of students had crowded to windows to watch their Headmaster's descent to the lake. If it was uncommon for him to be seen in the halls, it was even more of a rarity for him to be seen out-of-doors, even on such a pleasant day.

But Dumbledore was soon out of sight of the castle, and the students resigned themselves to retreating back into the halls to pursue other things.

The lake, although deep and dark, was in fact quite warm in summer, and were it not for the giant squid inhabiting it, Hogwarts students would likely have frequented it. As it were, however, the lake and surrounding area was free of all human presence save for that of the Headmaster, who had arrived at the lake and was now withdrawing a thick cashmere throw from one of his many pockets and spreading it neatly on the sun-warmed grass.

In the midst of these preparations, the lake began to ripple, and from it emerged the head of the squid, wet and shining in the sunlight.

"Albus," the squid said his surprisingly deep voice.

"Squiddelus," Dumbledore said, smiling as he turned to face the cephalopod. "I've brought your favourites – MacMellagans and champagne."

Squiddelus, for that was the squid's name (squids are not particularly adept at naming their children), turned a strange pink colour in what might have been a blush, and raised a huge tentacle to its mouth as it giggled girlishly.

"Oh Albus you're a gentleman," Squiddelus said, one of its other tentacles snaking around the Headmaster's middle.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Sweet?" he asked, now, having opened the box, holding an excessively large gumdrop in his arms.

"I'd love one, Albus," Squiddelus said, another tentacle coming out and delicately curling around the neon green candy.

Squiddelus popped it into his mouth. "Mmm, seaweed," He said.

As Squiddelus sucked on the gumdrop, Dumbledore turned around again and poured two glasses of champagne. He set one down on the ground, murmured '_engorgio_' and watched it expand to a reasonable size for Squiddelus.

"Champagne?"

Squiddelus giggled again. "Oh Albus, you're much too kind to me."

Dumbledore smiled. "Not at all, Squiddelus. Not at all."

Yet another tentacle reached out for the overlarge flute of champagne. "Cheers," Squiddelus said, lightly clinking his glass with Dumbledore's. He sipped it daintily, and watched as the Headmaster did the same.

"You know, Albus, I've been thinking," Squiddelus said between delicate sips of the sparkling liquid. "A cousin of mine, Nestor, has a lovely place in Scotland, and I was wondering if you'd perhaps like to accompany me there over the summer. I'm sure he'd love to meet you."

Dumbledore's glass froze halfway to his mouth. After a moment, he lowered it and said, in a deeper, more serious voice, "Squiddelus, you know I can't do that."

"Can't? Or don't want to?" The cephalopod's voice, by contrast, was rising.

"I would if I could, Squiddelus. Believe me when I say that. There's nothing I'd love more than to spend the summer with you and your cousin, but—"

"But what, Albus? If you really cared about me, you'd come."

"Squiddelus, I _do_ care for you. No one could say that I don't. But I have my duties as a Headmaster to attend to, and…"

The tentacle around Dumbledore's midsection was retracted, and Squiddelus sniffed haughtily. "I see. So your work is more important than me."

"Squiddelus—"

"Don't, Albus. I think you've said enough. It'd be best if you left," Squiddelus said. "And leave the sweets."

Dumbledore stayed where he was, though. "Squiddelus, please. Let me explain!"

But before he could, one of Squiddelus' tentacles gripped the Headmaster and lifted him in the air, "I had a traumatic childhood! I'm estranged from my only living relative! I imprisoned my last boyfriend!"

But Squiddelus heard none of this, as he had thrust Dumbledore through an open window of the castle.

Dumbledore bowed his head and left the room as the tentacle snaked back out the window.

The lake flooded that night, overflowing with the giant tears of the squid who lived there, mourning the loss of his lover.

The Headmaster was never the same again.

"He's getting sloppy," they said. But they didn't know the real reason was that Albus Dumbledore was suffering from a broken heart.

* * *

**I'm going to cry, that was just _too_ tragic. What did you think?**


End file.
